Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Making it Personal

A friend admitted to me this game she played with another friend of hers: they would see how long they can touch someone in a crowd before they noticed.

Being someone who like to do strange, social experiments like that (or just because I'm strange), I was interested in such a game. It also doesn't help that I play little games in my head, like when someone unknowingly encroaches in my personal space (sometimes due to a big purse) and I time to see how long it takes for them to notice that we've made a physical connection and them to freak out and profusely apologize.

In most contexts, I'm okay having very little personal space. It's something I've developed after years of attending concerts and being smooshed up against hordes of sweaty, crazy people who are trying to get as close to their favorite band as possible. It's this lack of boundaries I like to exploit to get past the "cool kids" crowd, AKA those who do have large personal boundaries and are freaked out as I dash between the negative space between several cool kids spaces to get closer to the stage.

So when my friend told me about this game, I found it interesting they'd do something of that nature in the open, when one's not smooshed up and sweaty against someone else. And when she went ahead and demonstrated an attempt to touch someone while not noticing, I freaked out and wanted her to stop...because she was going to employ THE CREEPY TOUCH.

One of the few contexts when I have to have a large personal boundary is when you have THE CREEPY TOUCH. It's that touch that you can feel on your skin and it radiates creepiness even before the creepy toucher makes actual, physical contact to your being. Nothing is creepier and gross feeling than an eerie, " are youuuuu?" followed by the lay of creepy hand on your arm, small of back, whatever. Actually, what IS worse is the Creepy Rub, where once the creepy touch is laid upon you, the Creepy Toucher proceeds to move his/her hand in a light, creepy motion, which multiplies the creep factor ten fold.

Having been the recipient of THE CREEPY TOUCH more than one human should bear made me want to grab my friend and scream, "NO, NOT LIKE THAT!!!!," only if I actually did that, the entire bar would have turned in silence to look at us, the two creepy girls in the dark corner of an already dark space.

So make this a lesson for all you who are working on your social skills: THE CREEPY TOUCH KILLS.



  1. i am so going to creepy touch you tonight.

    also, that dude TOTALLY WOULD NOT HAVE NOTICED if it weren't for his friends looking my way. or your horrified scream.

  2. "the two creepy girls in the dark corner of an already dark space."

    I love that line.

  3. ...



    [creepy touch + old man soft forearm rub by blog comment proxy]

    i am smiling a delicious smile at you fyi.

  4. Thank you, Frank.

    As for you other two, click here.

    Wherever my arms fly when creepy touch is not my responsibility.