Friday, March 6, 2009

An Actual, Useful Tip! Really!

Everyone, listen up. I’m going to share a tip. An excellent tip for which I’m taking complete credit.

Most people have a notepad on which they scrawl random thoughts. I have a txt document on my computer. Recently I’ve been writing the stupid, ridiculous, inane things my girlfriend and I say, and reading them when I’m feeling bad.

Eliana: I love chocolate chip cookie dough.
frank: I love it when it's cooked. In the oven.
Eliana; I've never had that!

Eliana: How come we’re only having full moons lately?

Eliana: I know there's full moons, but in the sky!

My girlfriend actually said that. I still laugh every time I go through this list. I’m not saying my girlfriend’s an imbecile, she’s not. She’s bright, witty, and can hang with the jokes, but sometimes her brain shuts off completely. Completely.

Eliana: I went outside and looked up and a plane made the clouds say, “No on prop 8.”

How adorable is that? Not very because she’s not four years old. How is that not funny?

She’s gotten me pretty good, though. Some of you know that I got broadband recently, and that I was schoolgirl-giddy at the notion of being able to download Japanese schoolgirl pornography faster than ever before.

frank: I can’t wait for DSL.
Eliana: I’d probably be just as excited as you. No, I was back in 2000.

Bitch! I have my fair share of idiotic moments, too. I was describing the horrific deaths of club-goers by starting with, “when the club turned to fire.”

Just now, I was describing why the last second, clutch shot the girlfriend and I saw on television was so awesome, “. . . and he shot left-handed! And he’s left-handed.” I still have her beat, though:

frank: L’aura called. She said she's almost here.
Eliana: Did you answer the phone?

Eliana: What's our fifth sense?

Eliana: Do you think Lincoln kept anything under his top hat?

And my all time favorite.

Eliana: What's all in a watermelon? Water and melon?

She just read this and couldn't stop laughing. She even slapped her palm to her face a couple times! So please, start writing your stupid moments down. It’ll cheer you up when you’re feeling sad. Or bad. Or dad.



  1. oh eliana....good thing she's hot. ;)

  2. I'll say! She has her moments, but who doesn't? Me, that's who.

  3. i love those full moon comments. :) aww, eliana, so cute.

  4. Once when my mom had to drive me home in MY car, I baffled her for a good couple of seconds.
    There were no parking spaces, and she was getting frustrated. "it's okay", i said as i pointing to a car that look exactly like mine, "We're already parked-- over there!", She stopped the car and kinda scratched her head a bit. I still laugh when I tell that story.

  5. That made me lol, Puka.

    Once when working construction with my dad, I ran out of nails and asked him for some in Spanish. "Y los anillos?" He was confused and he kept asking what and I kept repeating where are the damn nails. "Los anillos!" Where are they! I'd keep asking, wondering why my dad was giving me a hard time. I realized a minute later that I was asking for rings, not nails. The spanish word for nails is clavos.