Thursday, May 21, 2009

Bad Writing III

[Due to popular-enough request, here's part three of bad writing. Parts one and two.]

Apparently alcohol and anesthetic don’t mix. I woke from a coma three weeks later with the ultimate pain in my leg. The bullet had pulverized my femur and severed my femoral artery like a hot steak knife through a balloon. They reattached it with a piece of artery from a hoodlum who had been gunned down by police after shooting some drunk passed out in an alley minutes after I was admitted. My femur was replaced with titanium like Lieutenant Dan’s.

I couldn’t stop thinking of Forrest Gump, and how he persevered through so many injustices. Then I thought of Jenny, the slut with AIDS. You assume she had AIDS because she was so promiscuous. Then I wondered how Forrest didn’t get AIDS, and how his son didn’t have AIDS, then I considered the fact that maybe she didn’t have AIDS. If so, why was it so alluded? Was it cancer then?

These thoughts troubled me for days until my family visited. They filled my outpatient recovery room with warmth and joy like that experienced by a house filled with the scent of onion and garlic. They offered to pay for my stay at the hospital but I declined because they were poor.

The next morning the surgeon approached me and asked, “how’s the leg?”

“It’s not doing so great,” I told him.

“Well, I hope it gets better. Because I put you in a coma, I’m going to pay for your stay at the hospital.”

“That’s great,” I exclaimed.



  1. Amateur! If you want to read really bad writing, you should read this:

  2. Whoever that guy is, he should really consider taking classes on how to write bad. I suggest he write completely drunk and blindfolded so his stuff will stop being so awesome.

  3. i think she had AIDS. have you ever heard of aerosmith's "jenny's got a gun"? there is a reason they wrote that song. it's very possible not to transmit the virus but who knows, may be forrest had HIV all that time and he didn't know's very common for that to happen...

  4. If Jennay had AIDS, and neither Forrest nor Forrest Jr. had AIDS, then chances are she contracted the virus after giving birth to Forrest Jr. unless he contracted AIDS but beat the virus as has been known to happen.

  5. it's also possible she contracted the AIDS intravenously via blood transfusion...or maybe at the dentist or even an infected monkey....

  6. You know, I never even considered that being that this was back in the 80s when we knew nearly nothing of AIDS. The monkey theory is intriguing. I'm going to say it was a monkey.

  7. you guys watched Forrest Gump? yeesh...

  8. I watch it at least five times a week.