Monday, December 8, 2008

Adventures in Therapy!

I’ve been introverted, anxious, and timid all my life. I’m afraid of stepping out of the house unless accompanied by another. My therapist said I should take baby steps and make a conscious effort to notice how irrational my anxiety is. He said a good starting point would be my complimenting a stranger.

“Try complimenting the first person you see as soon as you step onto the street. If you misspeak, or you think you did something wrong, remember your safe word. I know you can do this.”

“Thank you, doctor.” I stepped out of his office feeling invigorated and excited like when you first drink coffee and it doesn’t make you jittery. I visualized the encounter and I pictured myself making eye contact with a woman, smiling, waiting for her to walk by before walking back to her and telling her she’d lovely perfume. I stepped outside and caught the eye of a beautiful blond professional in high heels. I smiled and walked by her and attempted to take in her scent. Instead my nose was assaulted by the most potent musk I’d ever smelled. I decided to keep walking as I felt her eyes burrowing into the back of my head.

I walked by a coffee shop and noticed a stroller with a baby inside. I’ll do this one, I thought to myself. I’ll tell this lady she has an adorable baby. I neared the stroller and smiled to the lady who was drinking espresso. I figured I’d say she had an adorable baby, see that it made her happy and walk away. I bent over the stroller and noticed the stroller was empty.

I decided I needed a drink to soothe my frayed nerves. I walked into an Olive Garden and asked the hostess if I could have a seat at the bar.

“This way, sir.” I followed her and she led me to a table. “Your server will be with you in a second, sir. Enjoy your meal,” she said and handed me a menu. I decided to make the best of it and tried to compliment the server when she arrived. I’ll tell her I like her makeup, I thought to myself. I flipped through the menu and decided only to get a drink. I began getting anxious and sweaty when I realized I’d been waiting for twenty minutes.

I was relieved when my server finally made eye contact with me. She walked towards me and told me that they were closing. I was very embarrassed and my eyes watered up because of it. “I like your makeup,” I told her meekly. She said she wasn’t wearing any.



  1. "Olive Garden. When you're here, you're family."

    yeah. that's about how I feel when I have to hang out with my family...

  2. I have to confess that this never happened and that my therapist is female, not male. Also, I'm sleeping with my therapist. She said she likes the way I comb my hair. I told her I don't comb my hair and that inspired this story.

  3. ahahaha! ^5 for making me laugh!

  4. Laughing at my misfortunes, eh? I'll laugh at you! One of these days . . .

  5. if only my family were fictional...

    and coincidentally it was a landslide 9 to 2 victory for the Olive Garden to be the venue for our Annual Holiday get together. I hope I get to sit next to nay vote #2 so we can make snarky comments about the food all evening.
    p.s. this is NOT the Mexican side of my family.
    (They picked Zelo's Pizza YAY!)

  6. I don't mind the Olive Garden, it's the cold (figuratively) atmosphere that gets to me. And also the food is bland.